I am Randy Estrellado, Chief Operating Officer of Maynilad and an out and proud gay man. I think this may be the first time that I have said those words out loud in one sentence.
I remember reading an article about a man who said that being gay was the least interesting thing about him. I don’t think I can say the same because being gay is such an integral part of who I am that I cannot separate it from any other aspect of my life.
As a gay man who has fought stereotypes my whole life, I also hate generalizations more than most people I know. So I don’t think I can speak for gay men in general or any other gay man in particular.
I can only speak for myself and instead try to answer the question — how am I who I am today. I believe I can narrow it down to three main points.
(1) Be the Best You Can Be.
Rightly or wrongly, I grew up thinking I wanted to be someone who the worst thing you could say about me was that I was gay.
Gay doesn’t sound so bad in English but in Tagalog – Bakla — the word still packs quite a punch.
In Maynilad I have a good boss, our president and CEO. He is a progressive boss who really cares about his people but he is also 61 years old and one of the expressions he uses to describe a decision that is unclear or wishy-washy is “baklang desisyon.” Sometimes he even says “siyokeng decision,” which means the same but can only be understood by someone who was alive in the 1970’s.
After all these years, the word “bakla” can still sting. In playgrounds throughout the Philippines, one sure way to start a fistfight is to call someone “bakla.” For my late father, a military man, it was the worst thing he could call anyone. Even my sweet mother, with whom I would watch beauty pageants on television growing up, would often attribute a candidate’s outrageous gown or atrocious hair and makeup to a “bakla” who did it because he supposedly hated women.
But even before I was ten years old, I knew I was “bakla.” Four decades later it’s so easy to say that word but the struggle to get here was real, and as warped as it now sounds, I really strove to lead a life so the worst my parents could say was exactly that.
It led me to a career that focused on what I could do best and be as independent as I can. I went to Philippine Science High School but did not take medicine because I wanted to stop being a student as early as possible. I did not pursue my passion for the arts, not because I was uninterested, but because I knew I was not good enough to make a career out of it. And I went to business school because I had an affinity for numbers and a knack for financial analysis.
(2) Don’t Be Who You Are Not
And certainly don’t stay where you are not appreciated. Early in my career I worked for a cement company so conservative that key employees of our HR Department carried rulers to ensure that skirts were of the prescribed lengths. And as I’ve shared in the coming out essay I wrote in the news magazine of my current group of companies, the Head of HR of the cement company did approach me to say that I should get married so they could promote me. I had not asked and was not even thinking of being promoted. I was 27 years old, two years out of business school, and enjoying my job.
But no I did not consider getting married. Instead it made me realize the company was not the place for me and set me on a path of looking for where I truly belonged. I thought I would find my place in media and entertainment, thinking that industry would at least be more open to gay people.
This was in the 1990’s and while indeed the industry was more open, it was still run by the old guard that had traditional and even homophobic views. While there were successful gay men, they were supposed to act a certain way, and laugh at sexist jokes even if being gay was often the punchline. And while I enjoyed my nearly ten years in the industry, I did not see my place in its future.
Speaking of not being who you are not, some of you may know how big basketball is in the group of companies I currently work in. I was so clueless about the game (I am clearly not a basketball fan) that I did not know this when I was being recruited to join the group. In my final job interview, the Chairman asked me if I liked basketball and for 2 seconds I considered telling a lie. After all how bad could it be. But having made up mind years ago to not be who I wasn’t, I said no despite the obvious disappointment in the Chairman’s face. Now, knowing how many conferences a year there are, and the number of teams our group supports, and the corresponding number of basketball games I’ve avoided, telling the truth may just have been one of the best decisions of my life.
(3) Be Open About Who You Are
Even before coming out at work in 2014, I have always believed in transparency and clarity of values. For me, it is the only way to run a large organization where people have to make decisions on the spot and there is no time to clear with the boss. As long as principles are clear there is no need to second guess.
Coming out was a personal decision. First because I did not think it was fair to my partner not to share how much I loved him in a feature on my personal life as previous straight executives had shared their respective families. Second because I believe it was important to show young LGBT’s that it was possible for someone like me who was once like them to accomplish what I had.
After coming out at work, the transparency I have always aspired for, evolved to encourage an environment where people are free to express their emotions freely and clearly, There is more sharing of ideas and willingness to learn from mistakes. It contributed to building a culture of authenticity.
On a personal note, it was gratifying to receive a promotion to my current position, two years after the essay was published. Unlike that promotion offered at the start of my career, it came with no condition, and full understanding of who I was as a corporate executive and as a person.
Postscript: Baklang Desisyon
I’d like to end by sharing a conversation I had with my technical assistant, not exactly a millennial, born in 1979. He had caught my boss say “baklang desisyon” and wondered how I felt about it. He added that he and some of the people reporting to me have often caught themselves nearly saying the same words in front of me and have been only too grateful they have not yet managed to offend me.
I told him I don’t really mind considering my boss comes from another generation. But I also told him that the expression cannot be more wrong because as far as I am concerned there is nothing uncertain about being gay. I know what I want and who I love without any doubt despite what other people say. Walang baklang desisyon. Hindi bakla and maging bakla. Thank you.
Keynote Speech delivered on October 24, 2017 at the 4th Philippine Financial Industry Pride Annual Event held at Makati Shangri-la Hotel
My Deep Fried Truth 